Physically Nothing

I ate like a normal person for a whole week. I completely lost control and I don't know entirely why.
I just lost ana, and I didn't know where to look.

This week is back on track week. I'm such a fat pig. today I'm going out for dinner and ice cream with a friend and thats okay with me for now (its all i'll be eating today)
and tuesday I'm getting smoothies with a friend, so that's all I'll be eating/drinking that day too
and wednesday I'm fasting
and Thursday I'm fasting
and if I can, Friday I'm fasting  (If i can't , then I'm liquid fasting or fruit fasting)

for saturday - which is when I'm pulling off the most adorable black dress for a party, and need to make two guys jealous at once. sigh, I should have thought about this all last week so I didn't eat so damn much.

Last night I had a smoke because this guy asked me out and I didn't know what to say. I think I'll say yes, for this sunday.  Why the hell not, since nothing else is working?

I told Ryan I was crying last night but I wasn't really. On my back deck when I was laying looking at the stars smoking I was almost crying - almost sobbing - like smokes always seem to hit me. I just need to get a grip and take control again, because last week was not okay.

Love never works. Love is just stupid. My parents are divorced - that love never works. There are some people in this world that don't find love, or where love doesn't work. Me too, for example.
Ryan's never going to work, and I hope to God it does. But I don't know what's going to happen once Rieki's out of the picture - he may choose someone else just as much as he could choose to be with me.

I want to learn to play the piano/keyboard just to play my sad songs and sing to them on it. that would be good.

Take all I have please.
Honestly, nothing physical is worth a thing.