All on my own.

I didn't mean for it to get this far, but now I'm on my own
These secrets, these walls, they're a part of me, and I can't get away.

I ate too much today. I had a coffee and breakfast sandwich from timmis and went into work, then came home and had half a hot dog and half a sausage, then French toast. Then we went out to Williams and stupid me ordered a Belgian waffle....so I took the straw out of my drink and went to the bathroom to puke, and I did.
And now I'm broken again.
Another wave just comes through me.

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm upset now because my mom doesn't care (see other posts) and I had to bus myself to work this morning, which doesn't seem like a big deal, except for the fact that it's all on my own...again. I have to fend for myself...again. And anything my father says to me now, I want to contradict and yell back at him so badly. But I keep to myself, because it won't solve anything.

And everyone seems too far away for me. I have a secret.

Whoever I have told has now been reassured that I AM eating, by me. And now they think everything's perfectly okay. So now that I'm hitting another wave of ana, they won't know, and I can keep it all to myself.
Thank goodness?

I'm scared now, I don't like the pain, but I like the result.

Lost ten pounds total. Keepin' goin'.
Again, I'm so sorry

I'll be the one you want,
The one you would want more then anything,
and you can be mine,
but only if this happens, because I don't have another option.
You can't help me anymore.


Courage - Superchick

I told another lie today

And I got through this day

No one saw through my games

I know the right words to say

Like "I don't feel well"

"I ate before I came"

Then someone tells me how good I look

and for a moment

For a moment I am happy

But when I'm alone

No one hears me cry

I need you to know

I'm not through the night

Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light

I need you to know

That we'll be okay

Together we can make it through another day

I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful

The day I chose not to eat

What I do know is how I changed my life forever

I know I should know better

There are days when I'm okay

And for a moment

For a moment I find hope

But there are days when I'm not okay

And I need your help

So I'm letting go

I need you to know

I'm not through the night

Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light

I need you to know

That we'll be okay

Together we can make it through another day

You should know you're not on your own

These secrets are walls that keep us alone

I don't know when but I know now

Together we'll make it through somehow

Together we'll make it through somehow

I need you to know

I'm not through the night

Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light

I need you to know

That we'll be okay

Together we can make it through another day