No Planning.

I broke down last night, and Person #1 was the only one i could stand to talk to. And i didn't mean to tell him anything about anything, but it kinda all spewed out of me. I don't want to tell him anything, because I don't want him to worry. And I don't want him to get annoyed with my complaining, because then I don't have anyone...again. I need him.
And I need this sweet disease.
Ana sucks.
I'm sick of it, but now it's all I know. It's my comfort and he doesn't understand that.
He kept comparing me to people. I don't want to be compared, I want to be listened to because everything's crashing down, I don't care about anyone else in the moment. I was a bitch to him in my own opinion, and I know i shouldn't've been - he was just trying to help. I've apologized now, but I'm still so sorry to him. And so regretful that he knows I'm not eating again. I really hope because of his he becomes scared to put food in my face. I hate being force-fed. Worst feeling ever.

And I opened my big mouth and told him about the words on my ...shorts area. They're terrible words, but he never gets to know them. EVER. He won't completely pants me for them, thank God, but I'm so worried hes not going to let this go. He doesn't know what the words say, but he knows there's words. And the words hurt.

Person #2 (M) and me kissed again today, but unfortunatly, i couldn't avoid it. We hugged and then he was just kind of ...there. Fuck.
And it was infront of this guy (Person #4) that one of my best friends really likes. He thinks I like him, and he got jealous that I kissed him, and he wanted it to be him not Person #2 that I was kissing. He has a girlfriend. He thinks I like him. My best friend likes him. I don't like him like that (he's a dick and a player). He likes both me and my best friend as well as his girlfriend.
How does this make any sense whatsoever? :o

meanwhile, I'm disgusting. I ate too much again today, and I'm upset with myself. Tomorrow will be better. I'm going to lay out some food proportions.